Specializing in women’s issues and the experience of first generation immigrants
Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues
Online | Chicago, IL
Reconnect with yourself and your loved ones
Each relationship is different, but your role is always the same
You’ve heard the term people-pleaser but never quite identified with it. You feel that you don’t exist solely for other people’s pleasure, but then you remember the last time you made plans with your bestie and you said, “I don’t care where we go, you pick.” Even though a part of you was curious about that new French-Vietnamese bistro that just opened up. You didn’t speak up and just let her decide. You also didn’t speak up when your partner surprised you with baseball tickets on a day that you were looking forward to sitting around and doing nothing to recover from a stressful week. You went along with him because you didn’t want to disappoint him.
You notice that you have a tendency to show up similarly in all your important relationships. You don’t want to appear selfish, so you go with the flow of whatever everybody else wants, and instead of feeling happy about making them happy, you feel yourself growing resentful that no one ever asks you - what do you want to do? But how can they, if you’ve never offered because quite frankly you don’t even know yourself. What do I want? You ask yourself and the answer either doesn’t come or it gets muffled by the guilt creeping up for even wanting anything in the first place.
Maybe I am a people pleaser after all. How did I become like this?
You people please as a way to avoid conflict
You care so much about the other person that your own feelings and values get put on the back burner. Instead of living life attuned to your own needs and desires, you move through life making sure everyone else around you is doing okay first. By the time you have a moment for yourself, it's late, you’re tired and you go to bed with the intention to do something nice for yourself the next day. But the next day is a repeat of the day before.
You take pride in having excelled at school. You got the best grades, and nailed all your extracurriculars. You were the one the teacher asked to help the other kids who where struggling. Now as an adult, you continue your streak of a strong work ethic. When your boss adds on more tasks for a project that is already on a tight deadline, you agree because you want to make a good impression as being a good team player, so you skip lunch to try and get ahead. You tell yourself that you don’t mind the overtime because you get paid more. Over time, your boss knows that they can count on you no matter what, and until recently you didn’t see anything wrong with that. Now, you are beginning to feel resentful and drained for always putting in the extra effort and having the company take advantage of you for it. You want a way out, but you don’t know how to speak up and make the next move career-wise. You hope that tomorrow something will change to help you push forward towards what you want.
But that tomorrow you imagine never comes. You are caught in an endless loop of helping everyone around you because deep down inside you feel it is the “right thing” to do. You don’t want to disappoint those around you and you feel pride in being able to take care of everything and everyone. This can only go for so long before you reach a point of burn out and it will begin to negatively impact your relationships. The same relationships you have been working on so hard to preserve and maintain.
It’s time to finally put some “me time” on the schedule and get clear about your own needs so that you can show up as your best self, guilt free.
I specialize in helping caregiving, empathic souls tune into and prioritize their needs without jeopardizing the relationships that matter the most.
I will help you uncover the root causes of your relationship difficulties and help you separate your own “stuff” from the present day situation. We will take a deep dive into your past relationships and analyze connections developed with caregivers, friends and those closest to you to get a better understanding of how you show up and what comes up for you when things aren’t going well. By diving into the past we gain an understanding into where you are going and what unmet needs still linger for you as you develop closeness and intimacy with your loved ones.
Do you find yourself feeling this way?
Struggling with self care, self love and self compassion
Tired of having the same arguments over and over again
Feeling like you are talking, but not actually communicating with your partner
Feeling like there is a disconnect between your own needs and desires and that of your partners
Snapping in anger at your loved ones and feeling guilty about it
Contemplating divorce or separation as a desperate means to stop the fighting
You are done prioritizing your partners happiness over yourself. You are ready to reconnect with your own desires and wishes. It’s your turn to take up space and not shy away from speaking your truth.
Individual therapy for relationships can help you:
Reconnect with your needs and desires
Prioritize your needs and not back down from them
Improve your communication with your loved ones
Set clear boundaries around your time and energies
Identify your roles and responsibilities
Feel secure in the choices you make
FAQs about individual therapy for relationship issues
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You may have been thinking about starting couples therapy, but your partner is not yet ready to commit to therapy. Individual therapy for relationships helps you take center stage in the treatment and learn what sets you off, how it came to be that way and how you can use your new insight to positively influence your relationships.
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Not necessarily. While it may be beneficial to be in concurrent therapy with a couples therapist so that you can take what you learned in individual therapy and apply it directly to the goals in couples therapy, it is not necessary. The transformation you get from individual therapy will have an automatic impact on how you show up in your relationship.
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If you are looking to change for yourself and not for anyone else, that is good indicator. Additionally, you may have noticed that the challenges you are facing are not just between you and your partner, but tend to play out with other people as well, such as your co-workers, parents, children and best friends.